The Forum April 2024
The Family Situation Can Improve
“I finally understood that my ‘helping’ was hurting him.”
One morning I was riding my bicycle with a group of friends and really enjoying the beautiful day. I have found that little “Aha!” moments sometimes happen unexpectedly when I’m on my bike and my mind is in a peaceful and serene place.
For so long I had felt, as so many do, that I needed to “help” my son get sober. After being in the AlAnon program for a few years, working the Steps, Traditions, and Concepts of Service, and trusting my Sponsor, I finally understood that my “helping” was hurting him, and my son needed to get himself sober. He needed to want it. I am so grateful that that miracle has happened!
I shared in meetings that I had nothing to do with my son getting sober, that it was all his doing, which to a very large extent is true. However, on my bike ride that day, it came to me that I had helped—just not in the way I was trying to or thought I should or would.
Here’s how I actually helped: 1) I started getting help for myself; 2) I always let my son know I loved him no matter what; 3) I stopped enabling him like I had been doing; 4) I prayed and still pray for him every day; and 5) I let him make his own decisions and choices even though they might cause me a degree of anxiety.
To accomplish those five things, I had to learn deep down to “Let Go and Let God.” I’m so grateful for the insight that the family situation can improve when I apply the AlAnon ideas.
By Sally M., Iowa
Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.